Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
greek way asking
Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
kids want yeah
When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
children kids watches
I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
jesus guy looks
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
waiting lists exaggeration
You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.
rooms cookies mystery
Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
new-york mean want-something
I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
heckling rooms ratchets
Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.
interesting would-be ifs
It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
special albums needs
You need an audience to help you figure out what's working and what's worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what's worth touring with.
blind blindfolds ifs
If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
nice book thinking
I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs; I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
sports book kids
The question is, 'how bad at sports were you as a kid?' I grew up near where they film Jersey Shore. If you weren't tan, muscular, and book-averse, you were a dork and a nerd and a geek and stuff. I remember being into Gary Larsen, Stephen Wright, Peter Sellers...
thinking tough-times care
I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.