Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
comedy reason getting-laid
The reason you often get in comedy is because you're not getting laid.
eyebrows perfect terrible
Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
snakes spaghetti
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
fun crazy real
Man versus woman equals fun. Man versus man equals gay. Woman versus woman equals awesome. Man versus pillow equals crazy. Pillow versus pillow equals crazy awesome - that's a real pillow fight right there. You see two pillows fighting, you know something's going down. They're designed for relaxation. If they're fighting, what hope do we have? One time I saw two geese fighting, and I was like, 'This is a pillow fight ahead of time.
distance ocean talking
My friend asked me I ever swam with dolphins. I was like, 'Yeah, of course. What distance are we talking about from the dolphins? Because the last time I was in the ocean, I'm pretty sure I swam with most of them.'
home machines speed
Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
distance two lines
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
moving opposites addiction
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
mean villain broccoli
Villains fear me because I am unpredictable and broccoli. See what I mean?
thinking interesting people
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
people four-agreements problem
The problem with most people, is that they are most people.
space want astronaut
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
ponchos four minutes
At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
rain ceilings fans
I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.