Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
sex school matter
When I was in high school I experimented sexually. The experiment was to never have sex with anybody no matter how hard I tried. Success! Hypothesis confirmed.
dwarves toss faster
We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
voice next best-things
Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
nails bites
I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
bravery thesaurus daring
I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.
party home people
Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
real choices infinite
I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities; that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us; there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
team there-is-no-i-in-team vertical
There is no I in Team, unless you count the vertical part of the T.
art earth art-is
The earth without art is just eh.
thinking pluto grew
The planets. Now footnote, I'm including Pluto in the planets, because I think it's terrible what they did to Pluto. And it's still a planet to me. I grew up with Pluto as a planet, it will always be a planet.
happiness pursuit-of-happiness pursuit
The Pursuit of Happiness: It sure seems to like a good chase, doesn't it?
halloween holiday my-favorite
Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
tape realizing invisible
There is probably more invisible tape out there than we realize.
class firsts fart
I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.