Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
people choices stranger
Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.
flames fire hot
It is illegal to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like “Flames!” or “Smoke maker!” or “Bad hot!
lying thinking long
I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long.
shoes people trying
To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
funny motivational im-sorry
I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.
funny humor animal
When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE!
funny book humor
Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"
running zebras doe
How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
musical want burlap
A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either
fighting cannibal
Every fight is a food fight when youre a cannibal.
australia boomerang chiefs
The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
break-through rocks paper
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
drinking wine white
Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.
morning voice phones
I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'