Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
thinking drawing trying
I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're a headliner, you do like 90 minutes. I try to think of different things to divvy up the show, like doing drawings, playing music... I gotta carry the show, that's the problem.
song i-like-you writing
I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
teaching guy problem
You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.
book use paper
I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
names wish would-be
I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
earthquakes wind chimes
Wind chimes are also earthquake chimes.
doors
How to be a bouncer: be an asshole; stand near a door.
car buying advertising
When I'm buying car insurance I ask myself, 'Which company has the most annoying and relentless commercials?'
trying important way
The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
two annoying god-bless-you
Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
jumping bungee born
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
kids artist people
Laborers want their kids to be merchants or business people. Business people want their kids to be professionals. Professionals want their kids to be academics, professors. Academics want their kids to be artists. And artists don't care if their kids are laborers or not. They can be anything.
fart relate jokes
Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else...
mind cleaning sponges
Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.