Famous Quotes & Sayings

Stuart Wilde

The function of abundance is not to possess things but to use them and gather experiences.

Stuart Wilde

The secret to success is to subjugate your ego and serve others.

Steve Irwin

You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other.

Mike Judge

They don't make you pay for the humor. It's up and down, but they're trying to give you as many laughs as possible in 2 minutes. They are the most honest comedians ever.

Mike Harding

When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a nose bleed, which usually cures them of that.

Mike Harding

... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune of Camptown Races. Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to listen to it, and, even better, nobody has to play it.

Mike Harding

Economics, n.: Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith ...

Mike Harding

Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled.

Mike Harding

Gold, n.: A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons, although gold hasn't done anything to them.

Mike Harding

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Mike Harding

The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks. Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog Eater.

Mike Harding

The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service.

Mike Harding

The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on one leg. The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't take it too seriously.

Peter Jennings

I've always been very zealous about not invading other people's private spaces.

Piers Anthony

When I started writing this, I found that I simply couldn't take fantasy seriously, so it became humorous, and continued from there.

Phyllis Diller

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

Phyllis Diller

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Ted Lange

I've always tried to explore the humorous aspects of life.

Sean O'Casey

Nothing seems too high or low for the humorist; he is above honor, above faith, preserving sense in religion and sanity in life.

Sean O'Casey

Oh Lord, give us a sense of humor with courage to manifest it forth, so that we may laugh to shame the pomps, the vanities, the sense of self-importance of the Big Fellows that the world sometimes sends among us, and who try to take our peace away.

Neil Simon

He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.

Vikram Seth

Poetry, I think, intensifies the reader's experience. If it's a humorous facet of the story, poetry makes it more exuberant. If it's a sad facet, poetry can make it more poignant.

V. S. Pritchett

The profoundly humorous writers are humorous because they are responsive to the hopeless, uncouth, concatenations of life.

Suzanne Collins

Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared.

Suzanne Collins

If you appeal to the crowd, either by being humorous or brutal or eccentric, you gain favor.

Suzanne Collins

I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite.

Suzanne Collins

No. Now, shut up and eat your pears.

Suzanne Collins

Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.

Suzanne Collins

Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.

Stephen Leacock

Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.

Stephen King

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.

Stephenie Meyer

Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

Sheila Ballantyne

Ghetto humor is the social twin of fantasy; together they sustain the powerless, who accomplish miracles through illusion.