Famous Quotes & Sayings

Burt Reynolds

When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.

Celia Rivenbark

She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.

Celine Dion

To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god.

Catherine O'Hara

I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right?

Carroll O'Connor

Nations have come under the control of haters and fools.

Carson McCullers

Next to music beer was best.

Carol Burnett

The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'

Carol Burnett

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

Carol Burnett

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Alan Coren

Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by....

Alan Coren

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

Al Unser

Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.

Al Yankovic

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'

Al Capone

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.

Michael Keaton

My first manager, he had left Germany when he was five, but he would joke about the Nazis. And I'd laugh, but I'd look at him, and he was the first one who told me, 'You know, funny is a powerful thing; it's a wonderful weapon.'

Gerard Way

One time, Bert and I were making out for so long it wasn't even funny..But then it was funny.

Earl Nightingale

Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.

Elizabeth Bowen

Dogs are a habit, I think.

Dirk Nowitzki

Off the floor, I'm really laid back: like, nothing really fazes me too much. But on the floor, I do get emotional and a little carried away. However, I started playing when I was 13 to have fun with my teammates, and that never stopped. I enjoy traveling and having fun in the locker room with the guys. Life is too short to be miserable.

Dizzy Dean

The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.

The price of gasoline - well, no, but that would be a funny thing to say. I just want to do something new.

When was the last time a woman was defrocked? Defrokt ist Defunkt.

Abraham Lincoln

My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully.

Abraham Lincoln

Be excellent and party on dudes.

Kym Whitley

A woman is a woman. A woman has male problems, has job problems, and I think funny is funny.

She said, 'I just love the guy in the glasses,' ... 'He's so funny.'

She's just resting in her apartment. Maybe it's the start of a sickness.

She's just funny about accolades, ... She would say, 'I haven't done anything out of the ordinary.'

Herbie Hancock

Oh yeah, the funny thing is that all my pictures in the past were all smiley pictures, and it's only been in recent pictures where I've had some where I don't smile.

Prince William

She had such a young sense of humor. Every single thing that went wrong or was funny for any reason, she laughed herself stupid about it -- it kept us all sane.

She had me in stitches most of the time, while commiserating over the 'joys' of operating a theater. When I heard she had written her own show, I knew it had to be as funny as she is, and wanted the opportunity to work with her again.

Laura Brown

She mentions what a great support he is to her. She did say something funny about how they going shopping together sometimes and he'll be good for two hours, then be like, 'Honey, I gotta have lunch.' Like any man.

Most people are used to the T.V. comedy method of one joke every 18 seconds. And that's why it's not funny... There's no time for anything to develop.