Famous Quotes & Sayings

Dave Barry

I bought Windows 2.0, Windows 3.0, Windows 3.1415926, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows ME, Windows RSVP, The Best of Windows, Windows Strikes Back, Windows Does Dallas, and Windows Let's All Buy Bill Gates a House the Size of Vermont.

Dave Barry

I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt ...

Dave Barry

Modern cyberspace is a deadly festering swamp, teeming with dangerous programs such as 'viruses,' 'worms,' 'Trojan horses' and 'licensed Microsoft software' that can take over your computer and render it useless.

Dave Barry

What gets me is, I waited in line for an hour to do this. I could have experienced essentially the same level of enjoyment merely by sticking my finger down my throat.

Dave Barry

As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight.

Dave Barry

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Dave Barry

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

Dave Barry

What women want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What men want: Tickets to the World Series.

Dave Barry

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

Dave Barry

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

Dave Barry

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

Dave Barry

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Dave Barry

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Carl Sagan

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

Buddy Hackett

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Friends are what God gives you to make up for your family.

Bryan White

Christmas makes me happy no matter what time of year it comes around.

Catherine Deneuve

A woman has to be intelligent, have charm, a sense of humor, and be kind. It's the same qualities I require from a man.

Cary Grant

I think that making love is the best form of exercise.

Caroline Kennedy

In a funny way, poems are suited to modern life. They're short, they're intense. Nobody has time to read a 700-page book. People read magazines, and a poem takes less time than an article.

Carolina Herrera

I can get ready in 10 minutes.

Carlos Santana

Your wrinkles either show that you're nasty, cranky, and senile, or that you're always smiling.

Caleb Followill

You can't make someone love you, all you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in

C. P. Scott

Television: The word is half Greek, half Latin. No good can come of it.

Cathy Guisewite

Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.

Cathy Guisewite

I'm more financially successful, but it just means the shopping blunders I make are bigger now.

Cathy Guisewite

Every time I get something under control in my own life, the world provides more material.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

I think egg boiling is the hardest thing I've ever done, but I can make a tiramisu anytime you want.

Casey Stengel

There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.

Casey Stengel

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?

Casey Stengel

Oldtimers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're successful.

Casey Stengel

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.