Famous Quotes & Sayings

Alfred Hitchcock

There is nothing so good as a burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating.

Alfred Hitchcock

Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

Alfred Hitchcock

Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.

Alfred Hitchcock

Puns are the highest form of literature.

Alfred Hitchcock

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

Alfred Hitchcock

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

Alf Landon

Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans.

Angela Carter

Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.

Amy Vanderbilt

Everyone knows that a man can marry even if he reaches the age of 102, is penniless, and has all his facilities gone. There is always some woman willing to take a chance on him.

Amy Schumer

I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'

Amy Schumer

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

Amy Schumer

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

Alphonse Allais

Statistics have shown that mortality increases perceptibly in the military during wartime.

Anthony Burgess

We only need to wear shoes because the British built roads which hurt our feet.

Andy Summers

Aping what you've already done is just so dangerous and unrewarding.

Andy Samberg

I too turned to Webster's Dictionary and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops.

Andy Rooney

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Andy Rooney

You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.

Andy Rooney

It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

Andy Rooney

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.

Andy Warhol

I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?

Andy Warhol

When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships.

Andy Warhol

I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs.

David Pierce

Kelsey Grammer is wickedly funny. He's like an 8-year-old child. He's always doing pranks, and we have a great time.

I think it is a very important play. It is serious, but it's also lighthearted and funny.

He can say things that are funny but they don't know because they can't understand it. Sometimes I'm laughing even if no one else is.

He just had a real funny way about him. He always looked at things in a positive way.

He is that guy in the movie. He is that funny guy who can get in your grill, and be funny about it. He's a lot more interesting in person than you usually see on the screen.

Trevor Noah

Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing.

Taylor Hawkins

Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble.

Stephen Colbert

The only thing that I don't like is my kids watching comedy that isn't actually funny. There's a lot of supposed tween comedy on TV that isn't particularly funny, but it's got a lot of laugh track. And I go, 'Please don't watch that. Please just watch something that's actually funny.'

Shaquille O'Neal

Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural.

Sophie Wu

When you are 15, everything is such high stakes, even tiny things. I think because of that, it is funny but sad at the same time.