Famous Quotes & Sayings

Bill Hicks

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

Bill Hicks

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

Bill Hicks

If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.

Bill Hicks

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

Bill Hicks

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.

J. D. Salinger

Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

Maddie Ziegler

I think it's funny when people, they try to imitate the 'Chandelier' video. I think it's hilarious.

Ginnifer Goodwin

I think it's funny how there are a thousand shows out there, and a thousand movies, that are glorifying (extramarital) affairs, while this man is being completely honest with his wives.

Alexandre Dumas

So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three.

Lt. Steven Hauk: Sir, in my heart, I know I'm funny.

Magnum photographers can take a very somber picture but they can also take a very funny picture. I do hope people come away with a sense of humor about this.

Aaron Williams

Liam is real cool. He's a funny guy. He's real smart, and he shows real good leadership on and off the court.

Jack Warner

I have a theory of relatives, too. Don't hire 'em.

Kurt Cobain

I hate it when people take the things I say and turn them into something sexual. Just because it's funny to them, doesn't mean everyone is going to take it that way. And I don't.

I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife. But in those fantasies, I was running over them with a truck.

Jack Whitehall

If I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I think I can say something funny to defuse it. Sometimes you can't.

Bobby Robson

We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.

Bob Edwards

When Solomon said there was a time and a place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking his automobile.

Bob Dole

Life is very important to Americans.

Bob Dole

The internet is a great way to get on the net.

Bob Dylan

Money doesn't talk, it swears.

Billy Crystal

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the Oscar.

Billy Connolly

In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it's folded.

Billy Connolly

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

Billy Connolly

A fart is just your arse applauding.

Billy Connolly

On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.

Billy Connolly

Now the country is in a terrible state and you've blamed it on a number of things - unemployment rate, the value of the pound, and all that. It's actually because the national anthem is boring.

Billy Connolly

Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.

Billy Connolly

When you involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

Billy Connolly

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

Billy Connolly

And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said. "What type is it?", I asked and he said "ten past twelve".

Billy Connolly

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days..

Billy Connolly

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?