Famous Quotes & Sayings

Cyndi Lauper

If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final.

David Lee Roth

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train.

David Lee Roth

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

David Letterman

My retirement plan was in place but Bernie Maidoff with my money.

David Letterman

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

David Letterman

Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking."

David Letterman

The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert.

David Letterman

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

David Letterman

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.

David Letterman

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

David Letterman

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

David Letterman

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?

David Letterman

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.

David Letterman

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.

David Letterman

Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window.

Dodie Smith

The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.

Dolly Parton

I'm old enough and cranky enough now that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it.

Dolly Parton

I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.

Dolly Parton

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Dion Boucicault

I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body.

Dick Gregory

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.

Dick Gregory

If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.

Devon Aoki

I sometimes think, would I drink the milk from the breast of a woman I don't know? No. So I think, why would I drink it from a cow?

Desmond Morris

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Desmond Morris

The city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo.

Dean Martin

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant'.

Anna Nicole Smith

I don't have a boyfriend right now. I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support.

Angie Dickinson

My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.

Cilla Black

I do not miss ITV, God no! Have you seen ITV lately?

Cindy Crawford

Models are like baseball players. We make a lot of money quickly, but all of a sudden we're 30 years old, we don't have a college education, we're qualified for nothing, and we're used to a very nice lifestyle. The best thing is to marry a movie star.

Cindy Crawford

You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs.All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.

Chuck Robb

[Oliver North is a] document-shredding, Constitution-trashing, Commander in Chief-bashing, Congress-thrashing, uniform-shaming, Ayatollah-loving, arms-dealing, criminal-protecting, résumé-enhancing, Noriega-coddling, Social Security-threatening, public school-denigrating, Swiss-banking-law-breaking, letter-faking, self-serving, election-losing, snake-oil salesman who can't tell the difference between the truth and a lie.

Alfred de Vigny

The true God, the mighty God, is the God of ideas.