Famous Quotes & Sayings

Adam Sandler

I've got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I'm the only person who ever tried that.

Adam Sandler

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

Adam Sandler

I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck.

Adam Ferrara

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

Adam Ferrara

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

Adam Ferrara

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

Adam Ferrara

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

Adam Ferrara

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

Adam Ferrara

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

Adam Ferrara

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

Adam Ferrara

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.'

Adam Ferrara

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

Adam Ferrara

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

Adam Ferrara

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

Adam Ferrara

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

Adam Ferrara

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

Adam Ferrara

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

Adam Ferrara

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

Adam Ferrara

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

Adam Ferrara

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

Adam Carolla

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

Adam Carolla

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

Adam Carolla

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

Adam Carolla

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

Adam Carolla

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

Adam Carolla

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

Adam Carolla

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

Adam Carolla

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

Adam Carolla

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

Adam Carolla

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

Adam Carolla

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

Adam Carolla

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

Adam Carolla

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.