Famous Quotes & Sayings

Alan Perlis

When someone says, "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done," give him a lollipop.

Alan Perlis

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

Alan Beck

What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him.

Alan Bennett

Had your forefathers, Wigglesworth, been as stupid as you are, the human race would never have succeeded in procreating itself.

Alan Alda

It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich.

Al McGuire

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Chris Brown

Haters keep on hating, cause somebody's gotta do it.

Chloe Sevigny

It was always a fantasy of mine growing up - my favorite program was always 'Little House on the Prairie' - so I always wanted to wear those looks. When I was a child, I wouldn't let my mom put me in anything but calico dresses and now... whaddaya know, every day I'm in a calico dress, basically, so it's kind of funny.

Chip Kelly

Yeah, I had it all mapped out actually. Seriously. I wrote it down. I said, 'When I'm the head coach of the Eagles, I'm going to make sure I get that guy on my team.' And then guy next to me was like, 'You're only the offensive coordinator at New Hampshire.' I said, 'Don't worry about it. Minor details. But it's going to work.'

Dave Chappelle

Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.

Dave Chappelle

New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.

Dave Chappelle

No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.

Dave Chappelle

Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?

Dave Chappelle

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!

Dave Chappelle

You can't get unfamous. You can get infamous but you can't get unfamous.

Dave Chappelle

Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.

Dave Chappelle

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant.

Dave Chappelle

Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!

Dave Chappelle

Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!

Dave Chappelle

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. "I don't understand this person. So they're crazy." That's bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.

Dave Chappelle

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.

Dave Chappelle

Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.

Dave Chappelle

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

Dave Chappelle

I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.

Dave Chappelle

I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.

Dave Chappelle

Every black American is bilingual. All of them. We speak street vernacular and we speak 'job interview.'

David Sedaris

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

David Sedaris

They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy.

David Sedaris

What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.

David Sedaris

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings

David Mitchell

over 85% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

David Mitchell

I really wish they hadn't made the set out of asbestos.

David Mitchell

If I want to act relaxed, it's going to take all my cunning, skill and concentration.