Famous Quotes & Sayings

Dennis Miller

Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?

Dennis Miller

Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids and I want them to live to be a 100. So that's another 1.8 degrees. My kids' kids? Three point six. I'll just tell them we moved to Phoenix.

Dennis Miller

And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club.

Dennis Miller

Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch.

Dennis Miller

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.

Dennis Miller

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?

Dennis Miller

I rant, therefore I am

Dennis Miller

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Dennis Miller

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

Dennis Miller

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Dennis Miller

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

Dennis Miller

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Dennis Miller

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

Dennis Miller

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

Ed Wynn

A comic says funny things. A comedian says things funny.

Earl Weaver

I gave (pitcher) Mike Cuellar more chances than I gave my first wife.

Earl Monroe

Sport is the only profession I know of that when you retire you have to go to work.

Elizabeth Meriwether

Funny women are honest women.

Elizabeth Olsen

Not since I was 10, trying to get Nick Vossler's attention in PE. 'Red Rover, Red Rover, send Nicholas right over!'

Edwin Way Teale

The difference between utility and utility plus beauty is the difference between telephone wires and the spider web.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

I love humanity but I hate people.

Edgar Guest

You'll be richer in the end than a prince, if you're a friend.

Brad Bird

Well what's funny is, again, people say they believed what was going on, but again, Bob's hands are about three times bigger than his feet. So these are very caricatured.

Bobby Heenan

Janetty tried to dive through the window to escape, what an act of cowardice.