Famous Quotes & Sayings

Steve Coogan

There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks ago I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent.

Steve Coogan

You really have got lots of issues! Yeah, of 'What Car Magazine'!

Steve Coogan

I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net!

Steve Coogan

If it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day you will pay the price if you're a fussy eater.

Steve Coogan

A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women.

Steve Coogan

Actually the best thing I did was to get thrown out by my wife. She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He's an idiot.

Steve Coogan

I don't like big feet. It reminds me of gammon.

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

We want to tell him [Blair] that we have not executed anybody. They are either killed in battle, most of them get killed because they are cowards anyway, the rest they just get captured.

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Authentic sources - many authentic sources.

Mike Judge

When you work for other people you'll find ... that they do know what's best for them, and for the company. And you should listen to them and be respectful, but they don't know what's best for you.

Pearl S. Buck

Our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is the way that it cares for its helpless members.

Paula Poundstone

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

Paula Poundstone

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

Paula Poundstone

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

Paula Poundstone

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

Peter Ustinov

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.

Peter Ustinov

This is a free country, madam. We have a right to share your privacy in a public place.

Peter Ustinov

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Pauly Shore

Death isn't a funny thing. We're all lucky to be living.

Peter Sellers

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.

Peter Sagal

In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.

Peter Sagal

The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse.

Peter Sagal

Scientists have determined that the most irritating sound to the human ear is the sound of a knife cutting a glass bottle. And the second-worst sound is a fork scratching a glass bottle. Evidently they did all their research at the Picnic for Morons.

Peter Sagal

NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.

Peaches Geldof

People should just be aware of how they are eating... yesterday I had a McDonald's breakfast and pizza too - but that's bad.

Phyllis Diller

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller

Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.

Phyllis Diller

I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.

Phyllis Diller

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

Phyllis Diller

When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.

Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.