Famous Quotes & Sayings

W. Clement Stone

We have a problem. 'Congratulations.' But it's a tough problem. 'Then double congratulations.'

W. Clement Stone

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

W. C. Fields

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

W. C. Fields

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

W. C. Fields

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

W. C. Fields

No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

W. C. Fields

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

W. C. Fields

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

W. C. Fields

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

W. C. Fields

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

W. C. Fields

I like children - fried.

W. C. Fields

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

I drink therefore I am.

W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

W. C. Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

W. C. Fields

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

W. C. Fields

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

W. C. Fields

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W. C. Fields

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

To a smart girl men are no problem - they're the answer.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back.

Zsa Zsa Gabor

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

Zora Neale Hurston

It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing.

Zaha Hadid

You have to really believe not only in yourself; you have to believe that the world is actually worth your sacrifices.

Zach Galifianakis

I call my balls the bush twins.

Zach Galifianakis

I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.

Zach Galifianakis

Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"

Zach Galifianakis

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.

Zach Galifianakis

You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.