Quotes about funny
funny life errors
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue. Woody Allen
funny running humor
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
funny basketball sitting
What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
funny death believe
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
funny girl crazy
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.
funny witty jobs
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
funny god witty
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
funny life humor
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
funny birthday witty
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
funny confidence witty
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
funny suicide humor
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
funny long eternity
Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
funny laughter ideas
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
funny hilarious humor
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
funny humor suicidal
I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
funny dream humorous
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
funny sexy humorous
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
funny humor littles
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
funny witty dark
I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.
funny life mushrooms
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
funny-love funny-sex sex-and-love
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
funny humor night
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
funny book dirty
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
funny humor eye
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
funny life witty
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
funny humor science
How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
funny moving piano
Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
funny teacher witty
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
funny children humor
I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.
funny humor jersey
The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.
funny-life believe past
I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't.
funny desire return
I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
funny thinking two
I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?