Famous Quotes & Sayings

Natalie Wood

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

Natasha Leggero

Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?

Natasha Leggero

I don't see the point of watching men exercise.

Natasha Leggero

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.

Natasha Leggero

The waiters in France could all be senators in the US.

Natasha Leggero

How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?

Natasha Leggero

The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ's playlist.

Natasha Leggero

I wish his music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.

Natasha Leggero

Ke$ha IS the walk of shame.

Natasha Leggero

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Natasha Leggero

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.

Natasha Leggero

Don't be intimidated by my outfit, it's Forever 21.

Natasha Leggero

Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That's the new American dream.

Natasha Leggero

Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.

Natasha Leggero

The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.

Natasha Leggero

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

Natasha Leggero

I think how tan a person is, is directly proportionate to how dumb they are.

Natasha Leggero

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Natasha Leggero

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'

Natasha Leggero

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

Natasha Leggero

Your main contribution is spray painting your nickname on other people's things. And my cousin, who's a 'gangster', he's like, 'No, Tash, you don't understand; you throw a fat piece up there, that piece is yours.' I'm like, 'No one thinks you own Costco.'

Natasha Leggero

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

Natasha Leggero

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

Natasha Leggero

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

Natasha Leggero

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Natasha Leggero

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Muhammad Ali

I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.

Muhammad Ali

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

Muhammad Ali

Fifteen referees. I want fifteen referees to be at this fight because there ain't no one man who can keep up with the pace I'm gonna set except me. There's not a man alive who can whup me. I'm too fast. I'm too smart. I'm too pretty. I should be a postage stamp. That's the only way I'll ever get licked.

Muhammad Ali

Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life.

Muhammad Ali

It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am.

Muhammad Ali

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

Muhammad Ali

My toughest fight was with my first wife.