Famous Quotes & Sayings

Honore de Balzac

Nature makes only dumb animals. We owe the fools to society.

Honore de Balzac

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

Honore de Balzac

To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure.

Honore de Balzac

When there is an old maid in the house, a watchdog is unnecessary.

Honore de Balzac

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

Honore de Balzac

First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint the second time.

Ice Cube

It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?'

Ice Cube

Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that.

Dave Tippett

He puts the work in. It's funny how smart players find a way to get smarter. That's what he does.

Isaac Asimov

From my close observation of writers... they fall into two groups: 1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review, and 2) those who bleed copiously and secretly at any bad review.

Isaac Asimov

The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you.

Isaac Asimov

Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.

Isaac Asimov

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Elton John

An agent is a person who is sore because an actor gets 90% of what they make.

Ellen DeGeneres

I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.

Ellen DeGeneres

What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.

Ellen DeGeneres

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.

Ellen DeGeneres

You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.

Ellen DeGeneres

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

Ellen DeGeneres

I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.

Ellen DeGeneres

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.

Ellen DeGeneres

You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'

Ellen DeGeneres

I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired.

Ellen DeGeneres

Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"

Ellen DeGeneres

I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now.

Ellen DeGeneres

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

Ellen DeGeneres

I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

For an actress to be a success, she must have the face of Venus, the brains of a Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of a Macaulay, the figure of Juno, and the hide of a rhinoceros.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The whimsicalness of our own humor is a thousand times more fickle and unaccountable than what we blame so much in fortune.

Horace Walpole

Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.

Homer

Good things don't end in -eum; they end in -mania or -teria.

Homer

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing.