Famous Quotes & Sayings

Rachel Maddow

Internet's been down most of the day [at work]. Doing research by just asking everyone what we remember to be true. What could possibly go wrong?

Newt Gingrich

A mere forty years ago, beach volleyball was just beginning. No bureaucrat would have invented it, and that's what freedom is all about.

Nick Cannon

I'd love to do a film with Mariah. But it would have to be a comedy. She's the funniest woman in the world, she just cracks me up all the time.

Nick Cannon

Imagine if you've got the diva of all divas. If we've got to be somewhere at five or six o'clock, I tell her its time to go at noon so she gets those five hours to do what she needs to do. But were both kids at heart. She is the funniest person ever and she has a great sense of humor. We connect at a spiritual level.

Mike Myers

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Joey Adams

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Joey Adams

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Joey Adams

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

Joey Lauren Adams

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Joey Lauren Adams

A genius is one who can do anything except make a living.

Joe Theismann

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

Joe Namath

Till I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'

Joe Camp

It was a fine fall morning in Paris, crisp and clear, and Benji was quite full of himself, cavorting near the fountain, playing with the children who had inexplicably materialized out of nowhere at the first whiff of a movie star. Their faces radiated and they took turns gently stroking his head. Those Benji chose to favor with a big sloppy lick exploded with laughter, and one young girl ran to her mother, screeching in French that she would never wash her face again.

Jodi Picoult

Change is a funny thing. We never are quite sure what we are becoming or even why. Then one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got that way. Only one thing about change remains constant...it is always painful

John Green

High school is neither a democracy nor a dictatorship - nor, contrary to popular belief, an anarchic state. High school is a divine-right monarchy. And when the queen goes on vacation, things change.

Pat Summerall

If only faces could talk...

Pat Williams

What do you have when you have an agent buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand.

P. D. James

We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.

P. J. O'Rourke

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

P. J. O'Rourke

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.

P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

P. J. O'Rourke

It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s. Liberals would still be fumbling with the federally mandated trigger locks.

Marie Corelli

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.

Ted Turner

I believe in a reasonable amount of "right to bear arms". But private citizens of the United States are not allowed to own nuclear weapons. I always wanted a nuclear weapon, if I could have gotten one. I'm every other kind of power, but I'm not a nuclear power.

Ted Nugent

If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed - like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.

Terry Pratchett

DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.

Terry Pratchett

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.