Quotes about funny
funny knowledge years
I have flown twice over Mount St. Helens out on our West Coast. I'm not a scientist and I don't know the figures, but I have a suspicion that that one little mountain has probably released more sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere of the world than has been released in the last ten years of automobile driving or things of that kind that people are so concerned about. Ronald Reagan
funny sarcastic two
The little dictator who went to Moscow in his green fatigues to receive a bear hug did not forsake the doctrine of Lenin when he returned to the West and appeared in a two-piece suit. (On Daniel Ortega Saavedra)
funny dumb tables
If you put it on the table as a bargaining chip, it becomes a bargaining chip
funny humor boys
Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel. Rodney Dangerfield
funny halloween rip
Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.
funny humor freak
I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
funny girl morning
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
funny humor wife
My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."
funny humor lovers
I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
funny humor house
I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!
funny sex humor
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
funny humor two
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
funny humor night
A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.
funny humor boys
At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
funny humor blow
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
funny daughter stupid
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
funny cousin school
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
funny cousin humor
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
funny sex humor
I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
funny humor wife
I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.
funny humor echoes
She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
funny humor fats
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
funny beach sorry
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
funny girl humor
I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.
funny humor self
My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
funny success humor
Life is just a bowl of pits.
funny sex humor
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
funny cute boyfriend
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
funny money growing-up
I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
funny humor suicidal
My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
funny humor eye
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
funny humor car
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
funny father humor
When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!