Famous Quotes & Sayings

Groucho Marx

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Groucho Marx

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

Groucho Marx

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Groucho Marx

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

Groucho Marx

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Groucho Marx

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Groucho Marx

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Groucho Marx

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

Groucho Marx

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

Groucho Marx

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Groucho Marx

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Groucho Marx

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Groucho Marx

I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.

Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Golda Meir

Whether women are better than men I cannot say - but I can say they are certainly no worse.

Golda Meir

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you're aboard, there's nothing you can do.

Golda Meir

Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!

Harpo Marx

Many years ago a very wise man named Bernard Baruch took me aside and put his arm around my shoulder. "Harpo my boy," he said, "I'm going to give you three pieces of advice, three things you should always remember." My heart jumped and I glowed with expectation. I was going to hear the magic password to a rich, full life from the master himself. "Yes sir?" I said. And he told me the three things. I regret that I've forgotten what they were.

Harriet Martineau

Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare.

Harper Lee

Ladies pick funny things to be proud of.

Homer

I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

Igor Stravinsky

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Ian Rush

Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country.

Hugh Sidey

A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.

Hugo Black

When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.

Jill Soloway

It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny.

It sounds like he's being gracious. I mean, how could he get that wrong? It sounds funny to me,

Gilbert Arenas

You think you're funny until you meet somebody like Tom Tolbert.

Woody Allen

I'm going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes

I told Dena, when you have funny thoughts, you need to talk to somebody and stay on your meds.