Famous Quotes & Sayings

Groucho Marx

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Groucho Marx

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Groucho Marx

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Groucho Marx

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Groucho Marx

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

Groucho Marx

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Groucho Marx

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Groucho Marx

Any place I hang my head is home.

Groucho Marx

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Groucho Marx

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

Groucho Marx

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Groucho Marx

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

Groucho Marx

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

Groucho Marx

Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.

Groucho Marx

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

Groucho Marx

Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.

Groucho Marx

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

Groucho Marx

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

Groucho Marx

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Groucho Marx

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication

Groucho Marx

The only real laughter comes from despair.

Groucho Marx

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Groucho Marx

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

Groucho Marx

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Groucho Marx

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Groucho Marx

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

Groucho Marx

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.