Famous Quotes & Sayings

Murray Walker

It's lap 26 of 58, which unless I'm very much mistaken is half way.

Murray Walker

Frentzen is taking, er, reducing that gap between himself and Frentzen.

Murray Walker

Jenson Button is in the top ten, in eleventh position.

Murray Walker

You might not think that's cricket, and it's not, it's motor racing.

Murray Walker

Villeneuve is now twelve seconds ahead of Villeneuve.

Murray Walker

Look up there! That's the sky!

Murray Walker

That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year.

Murray Walker

And Damon Hill is following Damon Hill.

Murray Walker

And the first five places are filled by five different cars.

Murray Walker

Mansell can see him in his earphone.

Moliere

A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of the house.

Moliere

Of all the noises known to man, opera is the most expensive.

Molly Ivins

I don't so much mind that newspapers are dying - it's watching them commit suicide that pisses me off.

Molly Ivins

And the funny thing is, I've always been an optimist - it's practically a congenital disorder with me.

Milton Berle

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

Milton Berle

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Milton Berle

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Milton Berle

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

Milton Berle

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

Milton Berle

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Milton Berle

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Milton Berle

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Mike Birbiglia

I'm a compulsive everything.

Mike Birbiglia

Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.

Mike Birbiglia

I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.

Mike Birbiglia

I'm walking out my door to get like a Snapple, and someone's like 'yo man, you want to buy some heroin?' 'No... got any Snapple?'

Mike Birbiglia

Some people come up to me and say "You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia" And I say "Well, here in America, you're annoying..."

Mike Birbiglia

My family isn't really Italian. We're more like Olive Garden Italian.

Mike Birbiglia

I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

Mike Birbiglia

I was made to believe that my life was going to be fixed and it wasn't. I'm still the same loser who had flown to Los Angeles on my sister's frequent flier miles just six days before.

Mike Birbiglia

I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"

Mike Birbiglia

So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around 'normal' and I had been meaning to knock it down to negative 1000.

Mike Birbiglia

I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky.