Famous Quotes & Sayings

Steven Wright

Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?

Garry Shandling

Rip as we know is vastly experienced and funnier than I think anyone knew. The show really reveals him to be a brilliant comedic actor.

Rip Taylor

I went to see Harvey again in Fiddler. Harvey's throat is getting better.

Ellen DeGeneres

Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.

Debra Wilson

Just generation after generation of people singing and performing and all that artistic and creative outflow had to go somewhere.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Julia Sweeney

I was on stage and I was like I will pay someone to do my time, not only will I expect NOT to be paid, but I will pay someone if I can run off stage right now. It was so bad.

Carrot Top

Like I told Howard, I can't help it that I'm beautiful.

Jerry Stiller

I still haven't hit what I do best yet.

Samantha Bee

It doesn't always click for people or they don't know the show - which I can't imagine - but there are people out there who don't.

George Foreman

I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Ben Stiller

Having a child changes everything in a most positive way, and I am extremely lucky to have a great wife who is also an incredible mom.

Paul Reiser

Guys need a little help in knowing how to care for a kid. It's not that I think: Gee, parenting is beneath me. It's just that I wouldn't think of it.

Groucho Marx

I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

Jimmy Fallon

I first met Queen when we worked together on Saturday Night Live and you just saw immediately that she got comedy. Immediately she got every joke.

Dana Carvey

I can tell you now what I couldn't tell the studio then: Purely in case the movie was like a monster smash, I would have gotten too recognized.

Josh Billings

Knowledge is like money: the more one gets, the more one craves.

I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.

But as the times change, people change, and so do their tastes, so I try to understand what the public wants, what they require.

Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Dana Carvey

I had written in another draft a completely different kind of fight, but they said they couldn't afford to shoot it. They needed a fight scene, though, so I was told to put a fight scene in, but not the one I had written.

Joan Rivers

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

If you are doing well, it is an incredible lifestyle.

We must decide how the population should be distributed, and what industries we want in the north of Australia, in the west and elsewhere.

Paul Reiser

We made this movie for $17, and nobody got anything. So it never dawned on me that we would get real people.

Tim Robbins

I wouldn't even get elected. I'd probably deck a couple of people, too which would not play very well with the national media.

The people want to share in something more than the material rewards of life, and to talk in terms of increasing the national product is not enough.

Keenen Ivory Wayans

I throw it all in there, Kung Fu, blaxploitation, horror.

Steven Wright

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Lucille Ball

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn' t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.

Josh Billings

One of rarest things that a man ever does is to do the best he can.

One feature of our life that is very evident is the apathy of most young persons, which in extreme cases is manifested as delinquency.