Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Tyrone Colbert is an American comedian, writer, producer, actor, media critic, and television host. He currently hosts the late-night television talk show The Late Show with Stephen Colbert on CBS...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionTV Show Host
Date of Birth13 May 1964
CountryUnited States of America
doe pasta communist
What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
powerful rights talking
I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
determination heart media
So my heart goes out to them. Figuratively. I would never actually entrust my heart to scientists—they'd probably implant it in a baboon. And a baboon with my heart would be practically unstoppable. Baboon strength and agility combined with my determination and media savvy? It would be a threat to all of humanity.
abortion doe parenthood
Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90.
ifs
Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.
pain book confusion
Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.
nerd scientist nasa
NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
grandchildren ideas boxing
It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
fans facts
I love the truth. It's the facts I'm not a fan of.
wow acronyms saved
brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
mean ghost bones
Ghost of Bobby: no, no you can't eat me. I'm a ghost. Stephen Colbert: That just means that there's less bones to pick out.
knows
The more you know, the sadder you get.
memories unique technology
I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
sports hate memorable
So, if I'm no cheerleader of sports, why write a chapter about it? Sports do have some positive impact on society. They solve problems, such as how to get inner-city kids to spend $175 on shoes. They serve as a backdrop for some of our most memorable commercials. And they remain the one and only relevant application of math. Not only that, but we have sports to thank for most of the last century's advances in manliness. The system starts in school, where gym class separates the men from the boys. Then those men are taught to be winners, or at least, losers that hate themselves.