Robert Orben
Robert Orben
Robert Orbenis best known as an American professional comedy writer, though he also worked as a speechwriter for Gerald R. Ford and as a magician. He has written multiple books on comedy, mostly collections of gags and "one-liners" originally written for his newsletter, Orben's Current Comedy, and he has also written books for magicians...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionEntertainer
Date of Birth4 March 1927
CountryUnited States of America
health goes-on firsts
Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
morning years may
I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
seven-years wife awful
It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.
thinking vegetables bread
I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.
hate people characteristics
As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.
funny money suffering
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
funny children kids
Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
two world aspirin
THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.
grief mean years
All that means is that something devastating can happen to you today or to your family & all you can do is cry about it or panic or just be grief-stricken about it; but a year or two from now or maybe ten years from now, or maybe two months or two days, you might be able to see the humor in that problem.
family kids names
I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!
pain medicine disease
Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.
cities jet-planes noise
Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.
writing secret comedy
The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
expectations pandas disappointing
Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.