Robert Orben
Robert Orben
Robert Orbenis best known as an American professional comedy writer, though he also worked as a speechwriter for Gerald R. Ford and as a magician. He has written multiple books on comedy, mostly collections of gags and "one-liners" originally written for his newsletter, Orben's Current Comedy, and he has also written books for magicians...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionEntertainer
Date of Birth4 March 1927
CountryUnited States of America
clothes use boxers
I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
travel home past
Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?
book school modern-life
Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!
kids modern-life today
They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.
couple hero night
I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."
people values conscience
I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.
humility grace crow
The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.
dreamer realist knows
Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.
rain vacation dollars
Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.
years answers lasts
An economist is someone who knows all the answers to last years' questions.
valentine divorce cards
Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.
yesterday wonder share
I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'
basketball sports baseball
Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
father kids smell
For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.