Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
cleaning growing house kids sidewalk stops
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing
baby children kids
The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.
kids window-panes weather
Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn't do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight.
school kids home
When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
inspirational baby kids
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
kids play office
When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
inspirational coffee kids
Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood.
baby children kids
We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
spring kids parent
Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
inspirational baseball kids
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
suicide husband kids
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
children humorous kids
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
thanksgiving fun kids
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
advice follow work
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.