Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
girl thinking people
Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
self self-pity pity
self-pity is better than none.
giving sloth trials
Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.
two age body
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
elbows bouquets faces
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
cake feelings recipes
get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
believe results witchcraft
Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
skills sloth laziness
I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."
thinking romance pages
Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped.
baby morning sick
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
inspirational football looks
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
running dog mean
A friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this thing turned mean. Now and then I'd open the refrigerator door and throw it some food. I'd have to walk it now and then. And then it grew this one leg. And it's got this ugly fuzz all over it. And the dogs won't run with it.
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
husband eye useless
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.