Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, director, writer, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 April 1954
CityBrooklyn, NY
CountryUnited States of America
sun looks staring
Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.
nice water surfing
A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens.
moving funny-relationship florida
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
wedding men ifs
I was the best man at the wedding... If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
sex funny-relationship men
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
inspirational funny hilarious
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
education humor people
I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
growing-up reading men
When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.
country moving games
To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there is a problem the lawyer is the only person who has read the inside of the top of the box.
good-night coffee sleep
We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.
passionate
You can be passionate about anything.
funny flower squirrels
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
congratulations numbers loser
I have a problem with that silver medal. It's like, 'Congratulation s, you almost won. Of all the losers, you're the number one loser. No one lost ahead of you.'
complaining way comedy
Comedy is just complaining in an entertaining way, Enterplaining.