Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
Libertarians believe consenting adults have the right to do whatever they choose, except band together.
I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet.
Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
I've been at stand-up for years: after a while, you get as jaded as the proverbial gynecologist who no longer enjoys drugging and violating his patients.
I was at the Wal-Mart, which is where I think everybody goes eventually. If they die without Christ.
My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.