Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
Don't wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?
If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don't have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.
I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid...and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.