Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller
Dennis Milleris an American stand-up comedian, talk show host, political commentator, sports commentator, actor, television personality, and radio personality...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth3 November 1953
CityPittsburgh, PA
CountryUnited States of America
impact want masturbation
If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.
football stories ouch
Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after watching 'Love Story' at the drive-in.
football hands faces
Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!
real optimistic squirrels
Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff that it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the big macs, and get off our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.
death-penalty sometimes herds
Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
dream politics journal
Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal.
white house citizens
The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
comedian credibility
I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian.
sweet important pez
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.
funny letting-go humor
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
funny humor ideas
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
hair cost balloons
Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
weekend views links
In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.
years environmental horizon
There's no more delicious irony on the face of the Earth than environmental protesters being led away in plastic handcuffs that have a biodegradability horizon line of, like, 40,000 years.