Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
funny baby cake
I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over...
funny thinking mind
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"
funny girl eyebrows
I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
funny sports guy
Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That guy won a gold medal in the Olympics" "Oh yeah, that's cool, i wanna watch the fat guy" "Come on dude, you can take that hill"
funny procrastination pie
This is a pie chart about procrastination.
sweet hands balls
Cotton balls is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname. Cinnamon buns, on the other hand, is something I would buy and want to have as a nickname. 'Are you Cinnamon Buns?' 'You bet your sweet ass I am.'
home jars pennies
I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.
thinking orange carrots
I think they named the orange before the carrot.
two waiting use
Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.
thinking interesting rhyme
I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.
stones glass-houses throwing
My policy is no stone throwing regardless of housing situation.
digital cameras reminiscing
I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
car drivers ten
You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
funny kids thinking
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.