David Letterman
David Letterman
David Michael Lettermanis an American former television talk show host, comedian, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionTV Show Host
Date of Birth12 April 1947
CityIndianapolis, IN
CountryUnited States of America
president problem president-obama
They're saying President Obama doesn't have any friends. The problem is that he can't get Congress to approve one.
flower valentine problem
Here's my problem. On Valentine's Day the flowers are wilting and so am I.
running gentleman problem
I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
iphone wife problem
Apparently, there's something hinky about the new iPhones. They're not hooked up right. There's a problem with the antenna. They don't like to be held - like my ex-wife.
navy problem obesity
Obesity is now a problem in the navy. They've created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral.
comedian horrible one-thing
All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.
jerk disappointing admire
It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk.
prison be-good shipwreck
I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.
dark night drunk
Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.
talking air feelings
About half an hour before air time - that's when I become hyper. I put everything else out of my mind and just let that nervous energy surge through my body. I start talking faster and louder. My confidence comes up. It's actually a great feeling.
jobs fun beer
I knew that if I woke up hung over, I couldn't do the best possible job on the show, so I had to quit. Also, I'd consumed a lot of beer for a lot of years, and I thought, That's enough. I've had my fun and I'm glad I quit.
thinking paris iraq
A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag.
mean years bob
I'll be 50 years old tomorrow and that means, among other things, that now Bob Dole can start telling jokes about me.
storm middle-east caught
So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power.