David Letterman
David Letterman
David Michael Lettermanis an American former television talk show host, comedian, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionTV Show Host
Date of Birth12 April 1947
CityIndianapolis, IN
CountryUnited States of America
jobs fun beer
I knew that if I woke up hung over, I couldn't do the best possible job on the show, so I had to quit. Also, I'd consumed a lot of beer for a lot of years, and I thought, That's enough. I've had my fun and I'm glad I quit.
thanksgiving dog fun
When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!
funny retirement plans
My retirement plan was in place but Bernie Maidoff with my money.
funny new-york fall
New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.
funny new-york humor
Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking."
funny humor association
The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert.
funny sarcastic writing
The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.
funny sarcastic eye
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
funny wind guy
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
funny math science
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
funny sarcastic night
Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?
funny war book
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
funny travel land
Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.
funny dog numbers
Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window.