Dave Attell
Dave Attell
Dave Attellis an American stand-up comedian, writer and actor, best known as the host of Comedy Central's Insomniac with Dave Attell and The Gong Show with Dave Attell. Born in Queens, New York, he grew up in Rockville Centre, New York with his cousins the Small family and now lives in New York City...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth18 January 1965
CityQueens, NY
CountryUnited States of America
Dave Attell quotes about
jobs thinking comedy
My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
thinking drunk behind-you
Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
baby mean eight
Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
funny humor giving
There's a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you're looking in a window. I'll give you a hint: one of 'em is super illegal.
writing voice parent
The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa... Write it down!
talking punishment car
Capital punishment, that thing scares me, it really does. I was talking to my friend about the electric chair, and he starts freakin' out. He's like 'the electric chair? That's too good for these people. That's too good for them'. Alright, how do we make the electric chair worse? How about this? They have to pedal a car battery to their own head. Is that ok? Is that enough, Mr. Hitler?
guy tvs fit
I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
funny humor rhinos
When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.
brother children fun
I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother... that's all they need.
funny humor machines
You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.
mean looks magazines
Have you seen that magazine Barely Legal? That means when you look at it, you're almost a pedophile.
beautiful sex confused
Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
funny sports morning
Things have been invented because of alcohol. Like the taser, okay? Yeah! The morning after pill, okay? The reach-around. Judge Judy. What has pot given the world? Hackey sack? YEAH! Hilarious ring tones? OH GAH! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can't get you laid. It's an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.
funny humor fantasy
Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.