Dave Attell
Dave Attell
Dave Attellis an American stand-up comedian, writer and actor, best known as the host of Comedy Central's Insomniac with Dave Attell and The Gong Show with Dave Attell. Born in Queens, New York, he grew up in Rockville Centre, New York with his cousins the Small family and now lives in New York City...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth18 January 1965
CityQueens, NY
CountryUnited States of America
Dave Attell quotes about
thinking winning ifs
I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
hurt hate stupid
This one guy, the worse guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician and doesn't do magic, I don't like. I don't even like magic, I hate it. But I love the word, "Ta-da"! I love that word! I don't get to say it, right? I never do any magic. You just cant go around walking, "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" "Ta-da!" The only time I can say it is when I do something really stupid or surprising. Like if I go out all night drinking and hitting strip clubs and I come home and I still got some money .... "Ta--da!" I thought I was broke. Why does my jaw hurt?
ears soundtracks music-is
I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.
drinking order doctors
I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
book phones drunk
If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
what-if drink alright
Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright?
funny baby jesus
If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.
funny mother humor
You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
comedy comic plus
I'm a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it's what I've been doing and it's what I'm going to keep doing.
funny girlfriend morning
Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings.
moving thinking differences
Friends are important, dontcha think? Hmmm? I think so. The way I see it, you got friends, and you got your best friend, big difference. To me, a friend's a guy who will help you move. A best friend's a guy who will help you move a body. That's how I look at it.
funny crazy humor
Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
funny humor drunk
She was drunk so I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
party drinking night
There's a late-night scene in every town, and everyone has something going on, ... I've heard good stories about (Syracuse); this is a very good party town, a good drinking place. I definitely would like to come back and check it out further. Do some more research, as I call it.