Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Dwight Tosh is an American comedian, television host, actor, writer, and executive producer. He is known for his deliberately offensive and controversial style of black comedy, as the host of the Comedy Central television show Tosh.0 and as the star of stand-up comedy tours and specials...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 May 1975
CityBoppard, Germany
CountryUnited States of America
one-day dozen want
One day, I want to get rich enough so that every time I walk into a room I can release a dozen doves.
blow ipods anthem
The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
war drinking fighting
I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.
jesus crazy hate
Does everybody have their WWJD bracelets on? 'Cause I was wearing my bracelet recently, and I was in the movie theater, and this guy's cell phone went off - don't you just hate that? Then he picked it up, 'Hey, how's it going? I'm in a movie.' And I'm like, 'Hey! Get off the phone!' And he's like, 'Mind your own business.' And I almost went crazy, but then I looked at my bracelet: what would Jesus do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to Hell.
buttons never-trust never-trust-anyone
Never trust anyone who buttons their top button.
benefits mouths aspens
Let's be honest: it's not like I'm not making a good living that the whole family benefits from. No one talks about my foul mouth when we're all in Aspen for Christmas.
funny pregnancy home
Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, Hey, at least I'm not pregnant
funny parent parks
Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
cute kids thinking
The only advice I have for youth is to date outside your race. I just think it's so cute when I see little kids in interracial relationships; it makes me feel like I'm watching a commercial.
television towns failing
The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You can get a lot of television deals that don't go anywhere, but you still get paid.
mind sometimes wander
Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.
too-much complaining seasons
Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I; that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.
funny gay men
I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house...
running white giving
A white lady came running up to me after a show. She goes, What gives you the right to do jokes about black people like that. And I'm like, Listen lady, my best friend is Cuban. And that's close enough.