Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Dwight Tosh is an American comedian, television host, actor, writer, and executive producer. He is known for his deliberately offensive and controversial style of black comedy, as the host of the Comedy Central television show Tosh.0 and as the star of stand-up comedy tours and specials...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 May 1975
CityBoppard, Germany
CountryUnited States of America
hair balls want
Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
television definitions resolution
I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.
believe space desert
I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.
liars first-impression firsts
You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.
funny ideas people
I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond my comprehension.
powerful soul needs
It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.
kids gay blood
Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
funny girl spiritual
You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"
real america realizing
Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.
country marijuana smoking
I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place?
ends should jokes
I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.
white guy racing
Racing does to white guys what movies do to black guys.
thinking sun causes
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.
jesus tebow minus
Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.