Dane Cook

Dane Cook
Dane Jeffrey Cookis an American stand-up comedian and film actor. He has released five comedy albums: Harmful If Swallowed; Retaliation; Vicious Circle; Rough Around The Edges: Live From Madison Square Garden; and Isolated Incident. In 2006, Retaliation became the highest charting comedy album in 28 years and went platinum. He performed an HBO special in the Fall of 2006, Vicious Circle, a straight-to-DVD special titled Rough Around The Edges, and a Comedy Central special in 2009 titled Isolated Incident. He...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth18 March 1972
CityCambridge, MA
CountryUnited States of America
I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
A lot of comics are kind of vampire types; we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
I say God bless you, I don't say bless you ... I am not the Lord, I can't do that.
I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
When you don't have love, it is like there's a party going on and everybody was invited except for you ... and you just happen to walk by that house in the rain
There's estrogen running through my veins!
I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.
On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
It was peace. Peace is when you would shake the hands of the people around you. And you knew peace was coming because the priest would say it five times rapid fire. He'd go, “My peace I leave, my peace I give to you. While we ate Reese's Pieces with the Lord. And I have a piece of lint in my peaceful eye!
Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.