Chris Rock
Chris Rock
Christopher Julius "Chris" Rock III is an American comedian, actor, and producer...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1965
CityAndrews, SC
men shows one-man
When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.
funny humor men
Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check ... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"
funny mother crazy
All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?
funny basketball baseball
You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think?
funny book humor
Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"
funny humor two
Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
mean way
I live way below my means.
men unfaithful
Men are only as unfaithful as their options.
bills investing window
If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.
funny cancer kids
That's all we had when I was a kid: Robitussin. No matter what you got, Robitussin better handle it. "Daddy, I got asthma." "Robitussin." "I got cancer." "Robitussin." "I broke my leg." Daddy poured Robitussin on it. "Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get in there. Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get on down to the bone. The 'tussin ought to straighten out the bone."
bullying thinking people
I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?
school thinking rocks
I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.
praying knows i-pray
I pray there's a God...I know there's an Oprah.
cutting years cracks
It used to take years to become a junkie. But crack cut that down to 37 minutes.