Chris Rock
Chris Rock
Christopher Julius "Chris" Rock III is an American comedian, actor, and producer...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1965
CityAndrews, SC
funny baby lying
Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies ... a man lie is, "I was at Kevin's house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"
funny war humor
I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs.
funny humor water
Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.
funny running sex
It's hard for a man to turn down sex ... if they chase us, we can't run that fast.
funny believe taken
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"
funny humor diploma
You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.
funny hate humor
I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!
funny humor remember
Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!
funny rap humor
If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!"
white law people
I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.
men causes needs
Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.
special done want
It's weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn't really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do a special in Africa. Can't beat that. Pull that off, then I will have done something.
funny brother hate
Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get my hair cut on Dekalb Avenue. I never been in a barbershop and heard a bunch of brothers talking about Jews. Black people don't hate Jews. Black people hate white people! We don't got time to dice white people up into little groups. I hate everybody! I don't care if you just got here. "Hey, I'm Romanian." "You Romanian cracker!"
mtv awards goal
My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.