Bill Engvall
Bill Engvall
William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth27 July 1957
CityGalveston, TX
CountryUnited States of America
funny golf hockey
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot."
funny girl home
My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"
funny uncles humor
No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.
funny humor vacation
I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."
funny humor house
You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".
funny humor honey
Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.
funny humor two
I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
funny humor men
That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men
fun distance believe
I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don't wanna climb on that.
funny mistake coffee
I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy." Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.
funny running baby
I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit a deer with the airplane. and there was a silence on the other end of the line followed by.. OH MY GOD.! were you on the ground? I said nope, santa was makin one last run..
funny humor hey
As we're staggering out of the hospital, I don't remember doing this because I was still high, but apparently I turned to the entire operating room staff and screamed "Hey! I'd better not see this on YouTube!"
funny baseball dog
This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says "you like baseball?" I said, "Oh, man, I love baseball." So he goes "Did you know that if Jesus had played ball, he'd have been the greatest ball player ever?" Like I'm gonna argue with that logic. So I sat there for a second, and then I said "did you know that if Babe Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholics would have beer and hot dogs at Communion?" He left.
funny morning humor
Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass... but you just pushed my jackass button.