Bill Engvall
Bill Engvall
William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth27 July 1957
CityGalveston, TX
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor house
You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".
funny humor honey
Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.
funny humor two
I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
funny humor men
That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men
hard
How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?
tree hunters dork
I was a dork hunter. That's hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
real wife trying
My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things. Let's stay out of the bacon market! It says It looks and tastes like real bacon! No it doesn't! It tastes like somebody bacon-flavored a turd, that's what it tastes like!
sex war pieces
Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
kissing ass scooters
You can't tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter!
moving wife house
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.
thinking getting-older half
You know your getting older when you lay in bed til 10am and think to yourself god I just wasted half the day.
sharks water safe
So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.
helping-others thinking race
Just when I think the human race has been lost to the what about me people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.
men would-be wake-up
Ladies, you wake up tomorrow and the newspaper reads Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth. That would be awesome.