Bill Engvall
Bill Engvall
William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth27 July 1957
CityGalveston, TX
CountryUnited States of America
stupid drunk riding
I swear to you, I am the cheapest drunk on the planet. It takes nothing to get me loopy and doing stupid stuff. Yeah. Some of you like that? Well... like riding an electric floor buffer for a shot of tequila. Did it!
rubber condom
A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.
hands rose heaven
And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!
destiny texas brain
I was born in Galveston, Texas in 1957 in the middle of a hurricane. I guess because of the drop in the barometric pressure it affected my brain and I was destined to become a stand up comic, although at that age I wasn't aware of my destiny.
iphone people invention
I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.
mother school pants
If your mother still drives you to school, you are not a gangster, pull your pants up!
good-day made said
God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work.
doors bus bus-driver
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
class skills guy
I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more.
song xmas writing
To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.
brain instruction humans
The human brain doesn't come with an instruction manual.
pain believe life-sucks
I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'
fun distance believe
I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don't wanna climb on that.
water pages use
I've never read a kayak manual, but I'm pretty sure page one says 'Use in water.'