Bill Engvall
Bill Engvall
William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth27 July 1957
CityGalveston, TX
CountryUnited States of America
mother school pants
If your mother still drives you to school, you are not a gangster, pull your pants up!
good-day made said
God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work.
doors bus bus-driver
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
class skills guy
I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more.
song xmas writing
To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.
brain instruction humans
The human brain doesn't come with an instruction manual.
pain believe life-sucks
I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'
fun distance believe
I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don't wanna climb on that.
water pages use
I've never read a kayak manual, but I'm pretty sure page one says 'Use in water.'
color greed remember
Remember: Greed is a bad color on a person.
thinking wife guy
I think my wife puts up with me 'cause I try. I think that's all any guy can do is just try. That's right! 'Cause we ain't never gunna get it. 'Cause as soon as we get close you ladies change it. It's like this memo goes out, 'they're getting close, change it, change it!'
song long heaven
If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.
two people hippo
I know at least two people who have never been killed by hippos.
light gutters honey
Did you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It's a honey die list.