Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnikis an American comedian, television host, writer, producer, actor and podcast personality. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanour, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth22 December 1978
CityPittsburgh, PA
CountryUnited States of America
cat glasses guy
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.
mom girlfriend brother
My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.
girlfriend stupidity want
My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.
cute baby hurt
My sister just had a baby, a little newborn. The kid is adorable, so cute. She wouldn't let me hold him, she refuses. She says, 'No way, Anthony, I'm afraid you're gonna drop him.' I'm 32 years old. Like I'm some kind of idiot. Like I don't have a million other ways to hurt that baby.
religious atheist stories
I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.
cousin hypocrite politics
I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.
girlfriend xbox funny-christmas
This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.
dad home hard-times
My dad's been having a hard time lately. Keeps on losing his keys. Can't hang on to a set of keys to save his life. And he has tried everything too: little hook next to the door, little bowl next to his bed, keychain makes a noise when you whistle. Nothing worked. So finally, this year for his birthday, the whole family chipped in - and we put him in a home.
kids yesterday car
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
girlfriend sex believe
My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.
hands years assault-weapons
You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.
girl sex smart
Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.
believe mean biblical
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.
baby thinking wife
I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.