Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnik
Anthony Jeselnikis an American comedian, television host, writer, producer, actor and podcast personality. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanour, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth22 December 1978
CityPittsburgh, PA
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor kids
Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.
funny wall cancer
Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.
book kids talking
I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. So I was either talking for the sake of talking, or I was curled up with a book somewhere hiding from everyone.
guy comedian important
It was important to me to be cool as a comedian. I didn't want to be a crowd-pleaser who sent out the vibe of, "I need you guys." I wanted to be so cool that the audience could leave and I would still be killing, that I didn't want to have to rely on them or need them. That really appealed to me.
laughing people inspired
I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.
squirrels car tennis
I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.
uncles creepy green
You know how everybody has that one weird creepy uncle? Well, Seth Green looks like he got raped by all of them.
night knowledgeable late
In a late-night monologue, it's not just about being funny; you have to come off as knowledgeable. You have to cultivate a persona of trust and intelligence and likeability.
girlfriend my-girlfriend worried
I'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14.
country optimistic thinking
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.
funny jesus humor
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
funny girlfriend couple
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
grandpa viagra eating
Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.
writing way retarded
Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.