Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Ambrose Gwinnett Biercewas an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist. He wrote the short story "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" and compiled a satirical lexicon, The Devil's Dictionary. His vehemence as a critic, his motto "Nothing matters", and the sardonic view of human nature that informed his work, all earned him the nickname "Bitter Bierce"...
north red skin whose
RED-SKIN, n. A North American Indian, whose skin is not red --at least not on the outside.
conferred crude form founding good grave harmless himself hot knife lasting library means nor pain rite says sharper spared surer therefore university yield
SCARIFICATION, n. A form of penance practised by the mediaeval pious. The rite was performed, sometimes with a knife, sometimes with a hot iron, but always, says Arsenius Asceticus, acceptably if the penitent spared himself no pain nor harmless disfigurement. Scarification, with other crude penances, has now been superseded by benefaction. The founding of a library or endowment of a university is said to yield to the penitent a sharper and more lasting pain than is conferred by the knife or iron, and is therefore a surer means of grace. There are, however, two grave objections to it as a penitential method: the good that it does and the taint of justice.
bet child gamblers lay nor value
RASH, adj. Insensible to the value of our advice.""Now lay your bet with mine, nor let These gamblers take your cash.""""Nay, this child makes no bet."" ""Great snakes! How can you be so rash?"" --Bootle P. Gish
belongs neither nor purchase
RANSOM, n. The purchase of that which neither belongs to the seller, nor can belong to the buyer. The most unprofitable of investments.
architects architecture buildings certain cost dollars earlier fine house hundred known normal order otherwise preferred public recent states though united washington white
RAMSHACKLE, adj. Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as the Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick.
although bone doubt neither nor qualities skin truth wisdom work
REVIEW, v.t.To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it, Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it) At work upon a book, and so read out of it The qualities that you have first read into it.
exposed former guardian light neither nor ownership portable
PORTABLE, adj. Exposed to a mutable ownership through vicissitudes of possession.His light estate, if neither he did make it Nor yet its former guardian forsake it, Is portable improperly, I take it. --Worgum Slupsky
alive although america care commonly crown fly fool fools forgiving gone grief head hear known lazy male moments nor speak wears
KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a ""crowned head,"" although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.A king, in times long, long gone by, Said to his lazy jester:""If I were you and you were I My moments merrily would fly -- Nor care nor grief to pester.""""The reason, Sire, that you would thrive,"" The fool said --""if you'll hear it -- Is that of all the fools alive Who own you for their sovereign, I've The most forgiving spirit."" --Oogum Bem
hundred period three
YEAR, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
element fine finish form popular sound testimony
WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride.
finished product raw
WORMS'-MEAT, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material.
act doer exception immortal intelligence judged light particular performed proof rule sees type wisdom
OUTCOME, n. A particular type of disappointment. By the kind of intelligence that sees in an exception a proof of the rule the wisdom of an act is judged by the outcome, the result. This is immortal nonsense; the wisdom of an act is to be juded by the light that the doer had when he performed it.
agreed candid companion encouraged man night related robber saying stories supper traveling voltaire
ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling companion lodged at a wayside inn. The surroundings were suggestive, and after supper they agreed to tell robber stories in turn. ""Once there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues."" Saying nothing more, he was encouraged to continue. ""That,"" he said, ""is the story.
entertainment given innocent military popular
RIOT, n. A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.